Namaste?

i havent blogged in awhile... i'm a lapsed blogger.

things have been insane at work- 12 to 14 hour days, weekends, travel halfway across the world and back. new opportunities and key account strategies. it's great to have growth in this economy, but it nearly killed me. i went so all-out on the first key account pitch that i was bedridden for a solid week. i thought i had meningitis. turns out, it was effects from exhaustion. i had literally completely run myself down.

the day i got back to the office, one of my coworkers sat me down and told me that my priorities are completely out of whack. when wallpaper drives you to week-long illness, there's a problem. last week at dinner, one of my buyers told me the same thing. she knew nothing of the illness, but she did know that she was getting emails from me at 10pm and then again at 7am the next morning. she said that having a good career is good, but having a good life is essential. when someone that is basically a stranger preaches advice like this over red wine and sushi, you should listen.

my friends and family have been telling me this for almost four years now. i completely agree with them, but i cant seem to pry myself out of work. not because i love it, but because i dont know how else to fill my time. i've been on this schedule for 4 years now and bad habits die hard. my friends are far away, and it seems like there's no way to meet new people (new girl friends OR boyfriends) unless it's via an online dating service or through work. neither of which appeal to me.

my new year's resolution was to get my priorities straight and be sure that although i can work hard at work, i can also play just as hard on my off-time. well, so far, i havent even given myself any off-time to play!

i'm thinking now that desperate times call for drastic measures.
i read an article in a magazine about a weeklong yoga retreat. this particular retreat is in Maine in the midst of perfect natural Zen, complete with babbling brook and still water lake. the retreat is run by 2 lesbians, which is not surprising for Maine, but will ensure that i wont have to worry about becoming boy-crazy. any guy that would spend a week at a lesbian-run yoga retreat is not for me. although it seems like a bit of overkill, it might be a drastic enough change to kick me into gear. ultimate calm meets ultimate stress, in hopes that the calm will prevail.

there's only one problem:

i hate yoga. i have been an athlete all my life- track, field hockey, lacrosse, swimming, snowboarding, surfing..... and quiet sports work my last nerve. i'm utterly impatient while playing golf. especially if there is a group in front that we need to wait for. i hate waiting my turn to bowl (i also skeeve at the idea of rental shoes). yoga fits into this category. holding poses and staying calm and focusing on breathing doesnt really work for me. my mind wanders and i usually end up planning my next meal during the class. i consider this a personal flaw. the fact that i cannot force myself to not think about anything annoys me. then i tend to think about this problem through the entire class.
"just focus. why cant you just relax and stop thinking? this is not stupid. you can do this. stop thinking. now. really. stop. uugh!!"
i end up leaving the class more frustrated then how i came in.

i do love me a good challenge. and maybe if i make this a personal challenge, then it'll be just competitive enough to make me finally figure out how to stay calm and think about nothing. i'm completely aware that turning yoga into a competition with myself is basically insane in a Cybil sort of way.
And i'm ok with that.