i cry 3 out of 7 nights a week. that can't be normal. i cry about everything and nothing at the same time... and i hate how dramatic that sounds.
it's midnight and i'm sitting here sobbing. on the way home, i cried over a guy that i barely knew that died 4 years ago. i dont know why he popped into my head, but i cried for a good half hour.
i've been in minnesota, wisconsin, NC, PA, and NJ in a 12 hour span. been on the road all week. had a big meeting yesterday and it went horribly. the office is going to have my head for not getting my objective. i almost cried after that meeting.
i cried a few days ago because i realized that even if i do a good job at work, it doesnt really amount to anything. selling things to people who dont need it (or even want it) serves no purpose in the grand scheme of things. and there's no thanks. just- "so what are you going to do next?" i guess that's corporate america, but i'm done. i want out. that's no way to live.
All of my friends are getting married, building careers for themselves, having babies.... and here i am selling shit, still living at home, and alone for the last 4 years. when did i get so lost? i remember being confident. i remember being right along side all of these people. when did i fall behind? i feel so hopeless. i'm debating a career change and it terrifies me. i'm so scared i'm going to fail and be even worse off than i am now.
how is it that everyone else found their path, and i found my way off of mine?
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Ok. No more crying. At least, not over that job of yours. I really think you are making the best decision to leave that job... And I'm positive that the rest of the stress in your life stems from it. And sometimes taking that step, even when you're frightened, is what you really need. You have a good strong group of people around you who want to see you succeed and be happy... That's how I know that you will not "fail" again. And PS you didn't fail - your company is.
ReplyDeleteOh good god, girlie, I know very few people sure of their path. Especially at our age! Look, just last week I was crying in my advisor's office because something in my research didn't work out and I immediately felt like the past few years of my work have been aimless.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are unhappy. But I agree with Sarah... the company is in trouble, not you, and the economy has a big part to play in it. If these were better times, you might be having a much easier time. You sell pretty things, and pretty things make people happy! How is that not a good thing? I look at clouds of gas billions of light years away, how does that make a difference?
What matters is to take a step back and figure out what makes you happy and start working towards that. There's no "one right path" for any of us. It's trial and error til you find somewhere that's comfortable. And it's always changing.
Trust me, from someone who took a big step back last year, and who's still trying to find her way, you can do it. You are strong and smart and awesome. You're definitely NOT behind.